


leave your boots by the bed (we ain't leaving this room)

by sweetmel



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Light Bondage, M/M, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 04:55:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetmel/pseuds/sweetmel
Summary: "I must take a mate," Dick says, "or die."(Captain Winters is undergoing his first pon farr. Nixon is his first officer)





	leave your boots by the bed (we ain't leaving this room)

It’s a boring shift, which in retrospect, should have been a red flag -- the less that happens when Nix is on the bridge, the more likely everything is to go to shit immediately after he gets off-duty. Harry’s making noise about starting up a poker game, and Bill and Toye have plans to go down to see Martin and his still in engineering, but Nix begs off-- Thursday nights are paperwork nights with Dick. 

 

Captain Winters of the USS Toccoa is a fine commander, best in the fleet, in Nix’s professional opinion. Starfleet’s first and so far only Vulcan captain, Dick has a well-deserved reputation for exhibiting grace under pressure, leading by example and having a disposition that’s Vulcan by the letter but shockingly warm once you start paying attention--and gain his respect. Of all his many talents, skills and quirks, perhaps the most surprising is his absolute distaste for paperwork. 

 

Without Nix to sit in his quarters with him to ensure he does it, Dick lets it get backed up over a period of  _ months.  _ Nix has seen Dick rewire the communications system; clean a jeffries tube; contain an escaped, vomiting alien life form in the science lab; clean said science lab following containment; and literally jump off the ship and into space (for a mission, but still) to avoid doing paperwork. Dick’s noted multiple times how begrudgingly grateful he is to have a first officer who will also be his paperwork accountability partner. 

 

Which is why it’s so surprising to scan the bridge for Dick and find him missing -- and even more shocking to check his pad to find an email canceling the appointment. 

 

Nix makes a face at his pad. Dick sounds perfectly normal in his email, except for how he didn’t mention why he needed to cancel this week. 

 

With his evening unexpectedly free, Nix does join Harry’s poker game. He gets his clock absolutely cleaned, between his distraction over Dick and the booze he’s drinking to try and find solid footing again. 

 

“Aren’t you normally babysitting Dick on Thursdays?” Harry says with a grin halfway through their game. 

 

Nix snorts. “Not babysitting,” Nix says, “just--supervising.”

 

“So what’s up, then?” Harry says, just a shade too casual. 

 

Nix shrug. Dick’s never voluntarily canceled, so long as the ship wasn’t on fire or crash landing or being taken over by aliens. “He didn’t say,” Nix says.

 

Speirs chooses that moment to drop a full house on all of them, that son of a bitch, and Nix decides to take his negative credits and go back to his quarters. He stays to watch another round -- Lipton successfully bluffing the entire table into giving him all of their credits, goddam, that man does an innocent poker face that isn’t fair-- and polish off the rest of his bottle. 

 

It hits him as he’s stumbling back to his quarters -- if there’s one thing Dick’s intensely private about, it’s family. He’s never even mentioned his sister to Nix in the years they’ve known each other (Nix had to break into Dick’s file to find out she existed). Must be something related to that, Nix figures, as he keys in the entry to his room and flops on his bed, boots and uniform still on. 

 

Still, it stings, a little, that Dick hasn’t told him what’s wrong. 

 

*

 

Dick has been running a low-grade fever for a week. 

 

He has no other symptoms, no cough that indicates it could be respiratory distress or pain that indicates an infection somewhere else or any other ailment. He feels a -- restlessness that makes him concerned. He spends his Thursday evening reviewing the ship's upcoming schedule, trying to find a reason -- any reason -- to divert them to Vulcan without divulging the nature of his need, or that he personally has a need to return to the planet at all. 

 

He sends a missive to T'Ethel, appraising her of the situation. He fears he's awkward and stilted, but it's been a long time since they've spoken even via written communication, and Dick does not want to... presume familiarity. 

 

The first part of his predicament is solved fairly easily -- the Vulcan High Council has placed a low-priority request for transport of Vulcan goods to colonies along the outer rim of the Federation, and Dick volunteers his crew for the task. It will cause little surprise or concern that Dick also schedules a week-long furlough in ShiKahr. It has been many months since his crew has spent any time planetside for any reason, and it's not unusual for captains to schedule such time on their home planet. Dick usually schedules furloughs on Earth or on pleasure planets out of deference to his human colleagues -- Dick spends his time off the same way no matter where they go. 

 

He imagines this change in pattern will raise eyebrows, but his request for furlough is approved and his mission officially assigned by the time he discovers the next, larger problem. 

 

T'Ethel has denied his request and officially registered her separation from him with the Vulcan High Council, and thus cannot and will not be available to him, should he enter the blood fever (when he enters the blood fever). 

 

In his life, Dick has rarely felt so helpless

 

*

 

“Does Winters seem… okay to you?” Nix asks, under his breath, as Dick stalks off the bridge to take a call from Admiral Taylor. He’s not mad -- if Vulcans get angry, Nix hasn’t ever seen it happen -- but he does seem agitated, and he snapped at the yeoman who had brought him word that Admiral Taylor wanted to speak with him at his convenience. 

 

Harry gives him a look. “Okay?”

 

“Yeah, he’s just--” Nix sighs and scratches his head, poking at his workstation and sending the next month’s science lab schedule to Webster. “He just seems crankier than normal.” 

 

Harry looks like he’s trying not to laugh, and Nix rolls his eyes. 

 

“Fine, I’m clearly just seeing things,” Nix says, and Harry shakes his head as he walks away. 

 

Nix isn’t, though, he knows he’s not. Dick gets curt with Malarkey over some non-issue later in the same shift, and he comes as close to yelling as Nix has ever seen him when Liebgott reports to the bridge to give an update on how the security system updates are progressing. Nix tries not to think about how creepy he’s being as he checks the Captain’s on-ship file -- but it’s worth the personal intrusion to know that the Captain has been eating far, far less than normal for a week. His calorie count is about half what it should be. 

 

Nix doesn’t press, doesn’t ask why Dick hasn’t invited him to go on an after-shift run or to share a meal together as is their custom -- but he’s officially worried something might be really wrong, no matter what Harry thinks. 

 

* 

 

Dick is grateful he maintains a level of awareness about his own body, and that he made arrangements prior to his condition worsening. Throughout the weekend and into the week prior to their docking at Vulcan, Dick begins exhibiting other symptoms -- he has a constant low-grade headache, he feels a deep and abiding irritation that does not fade, except when he’s around Lew -- but that's just as problematic, because it's replaced by a strong need to -- touch. to  _ claim _ . 

 

Dick can fight it off for now, but he knows the time is coming where he won't be able to. 

 

Dick spends his time off shift alternately sleeping and jerking off, his hand tight around his cock and fingers teasing his ass, thinking about the kinds of things he never lets himself consider when he's in his right mind -- thinking about Lew, how he might look as Dick rides him, sinking down onto Lew's thick cock again and again. 

 

It doesn't help-- if anything, it makes his need worse, makes it harder to suppress the flash of desire he feels every time he sees his first officer. Dick knows he needs to get on Vulcan, to see the healers, to figure out what can be done now that his betrothed has turned her back on him -- not that Dick can blame her. By all accounts, she's a settled woman with no interest in being a long-distance sometimes-lover of a Starfleet captain.

 

*

 

_ “--prior to our travel to the outerworld colonies, shipwide shoreleave will commence for seven days. Some essential personnel may be required to be onboard for short periods of the leave, but we expect a full complement of replacements at the Vulcan Spaceport. Please consult your individual communication logs for further instructions. Winters out.”  _

 

Nix crosses his arms and stands leaning against the railing on the bridge as Winters finishes his shipwide communication and spins his chair around to look at Nix expectantly. 

 

“Any plans to see your family when we’re on Vulcan?” Nix asks. Dick raises his eyebrow, and even though Dick’s been acting strangely, Nix feels that familiar fondness bubble up in his chest. 

 

"I intend to spend my leave as I always do," Dick says. "Please assist the navigators with any concerns or questions about entering Vulcan's orbit, as there may be difficulties compared to a similar docking pattern on earth."

  
"Yes, sir," Nix says, but he can feel Harry's eyes watching him as he goes back to his station.    
  


Harry finds him in the mess later. 

 

"I think you might be onto something with Winters," Harry says. 

  
"Yeah, no shit," Nix says, before rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed at his temper. It's not Harry's fault he's in a foul mood. "Has he been to see Doc Roe? Do you think he might be sick?"

  
Harry shrugs. "Can Vulcans get sick?"

 

*

“You want me to give you the captain’s medical records?” Doc Roe says, looking at Nix like he’s just asked to be shot out of an airlock. “You can’t be serious.” 

 

“It’s not-- look, it’s not personal,” Nix says, chasing after Roe as he shakes his head and goes to the supply closet to grab a few things. “It’s -- he’s not well.” 

 

Roe turns to look at him, softening a little. 

 

“We’re about to go to the outer colonies,” Nix says lowly. “Right on the edge of Federation space, on the border with the Cardassians. It’s -- there’s a reason this shipment’s been delayed for a year, and it’s because ships aren’t chomping at the bit to take nonessential items to an area that relatively dangerous. We need our captain operating at peak efficiency.” 

 

“He hasn’t been in to see me,” Roe says slowly, crossing his arms, and Nix knows he’s earned himself an ally.

 

“Might be time for a house call,” Nix says.

  
*

 

Nix is on his way back from night shift -- well, from drinking immediately after night shift, because Luz had almost fried the entire damn bridge doing something with a wire and Liebgott kept calling up to the bridge to ask for permission to do something questionably legal with the engine, so then Nix had to both calculate if this was something likely to blow them all up in the vacuum of space or save their asses should they, in the course of battle, require .1768 percent faster velocity while traveling within warp II. 

 

And then call Liebgott and yell at him for almost blowing them all up, because literally every single one of his requests was on the "we're going to die if you try this" spectrum of things.    
  


So. Drinking. 

  
He's got plans to polish off the rest of his Andorian liquor once he gets back to his cabin, but there's an actual noise emitting out of the captain's cabin across the hall. It sounds like Dick  _ yelling, _ but that can't possibly be right -- 

  
Dick’s door slides open, and a flabbergasted Roe staggers into the hallway, almost like he was pushed. 

 

"I would appreciate you staying out of my personal affairs, doctor," shouts a voice that sounds like Dick Winters, if Dick Winters ever yelled, and he doesn't. 

  
"It's not personal if--" Roe shouts back, but he snaps his mouth shut as the door slides closed in his face. Roe turns to look at Nix, and something about his expression makes Nix's blood run cold. 

  
Roe jerks his head for Nix to follow him to the turbolift, and he does. 

  
"What--" Nix asks, but Roe just shakes his head and rubs his hands over his face. 

  
"In medbay," Roe says, and the knot in Nix’s stomach gets bigger. It means Roe’s worried about one of the crew overhearing, or someone watching the security feeds picking it up. 

  
The medbay's quiet, which is rare on a starship of this size, even this early in the morning. Roe marches into his office and shuts the door behind Nix.

  
"He's dying," Roe says, and Nix blinks.

  
"What," Nix starts to ask, but then the enormity of what Roe said hits him, and he sinks into a chair in front of the doctor's desk. "What do you mean? What's wrong?" 

  
"I can't explain it," Roe says with a pained look on his face. "His body's producing -- truly insane amounts of hormones, it's a miracle he's still conscious, and if he doesn't improve within the next two or three days, his body will shut down."

  
Nix is quiet for a minute. "What can you do to fix it?" Nix asks, already suspecting what the answer will be even before Roe tells him. 

  
"Nothing," Roe says. "I can maybe buy him an extra day with supressors and a couple of agents to have his system keep up with the overload, but -- he doesn't have a tumor, there's not some obvious cause for why this is happening. But until the excess hormone production at least tapers off--"

  
Nix feels, from very far away, a blinding panic, but if there's one thing that Lewis Nixon excels at, it's thinking under pressure. "Personal matters," Nix says, looking at Roe. "That's what he said, for you to stay out of his personal matters. Does he-- does he  _ know  _ what's happening to him?"

  
"He didn't seem surprised when I told him," Roe said. "I had to threaten him with exercising my right to remove him from captaincy to get him to undergo a medical exam, though, I've never seen him that-- angry.”

  
Nix stands up, heart racing. He's got to do something; Dick dying on a starship with the most technologically advanced medical equipment in the galaxy is completely unacceptable. "Get in touch with a Vulcan healer who can explain what the hell is going on," Nix says. "Computer, alert senior staff for a meeting in 20 minutes, code red."

  
The walk back to Dick's quarters is surreal -- Nix hasn't slept and is still a little tipsy, and Nix hasn't felt this off-kilter since he joined Starfleet. 

 

He's known something's been wrong for a week, and he didn't press, and now Dick might die. 

 

The surreal feeling gets worse when he buzzes for entry into Dick's quarters -- has Dick ever locked his door? -- and is denied. 

  
"Captain," Nix says through the closed door, physically knocking. Thank god the shift change has already occurred, and this particular hallway is deserted for the time being. "Captain, this is your first officer, we need--"

  
The door swings open suddenly, and Nix almost falls through the doorway. Dick's cabin is sweltering, apparently set to Vulcan atmospheric norms. The lights are all shut off, save for the emergency lights in Dick's bedroom. Dick himself is standing at attention, posture ramrod straight, in the middle of his quarters. 

  
"What's your business, Nixon?" Dick asks, not looking at him, and Nix swallows. 

  
"Doc says you're very sick," Nix says. "That you'll die if you don't get medical help, but he can't explain why. Do you-- do you know what's going on?"

  
"It--" Dick works his jaw, agitated. "It is of no concern."

  
"Oh, sure," Nix says, taking a step closer, and Dick, if possible, becomes even more tense. "The captain of the premiere vessel in Starfleet dying is of the utmost concern, Dick, I-- we need you."

  
"We are traveling to Vulcan in three days. By the end of our leave, the matter will be resolved, and I will be back in optimal health," Dick says. Nix knows, suddenly and with the utmost surety, that Dick is lying to him. It's upsetting and surprising, but Nix has more pressing concerns. 

  
"You'll die before then, Dick," Nix says, and that gets Dick to look at him for the first time since he got to the cabin. The look on his face makes Nix shiver with the intensity of it-- but then Dick is looking away, and if Nix didn't know anything else about the situation, he’d think he was looking at a perfectly healthy, normal Vulcan officer of Starfleet.

  
"I need to be on Vulcan," Dick says in a plaintive, almost longing tone. 

  
"Is-- is there medicine there?" Nix asks. "We could have a shuttle meet us halfway--"

  
"No, I--" Dick's eyes fall closed for a beat before opening again. "I need to be on the planet."

  
"So you do know what's going on," Nix says, taking a step closer, and Dick actually steps  _ back.  _

  
"Do not--" Dick says, sharp and angry, before reeling himself back in. "Do not come any closer. Please." 

  
Nix has never heard Dick ask for anything before, so he swallows and keeps his distance. "Just tell me what's going on," Nix says. 

  
Dick is quiet for a long moment, and Nix thinks he's just going to be ignored, but then finally he says, "It is a matter of-- biology."

  
Nix blinks. "Biology," Nix says. 

  
"The--biology of Vulcans," Dick says, clearly pained, intonating the phrase in a way that's baffling, but then--

  
The reality of what Dick is trying to convey hits Nix like a freight train. "This is about  _ sex? _ " Nix blurts out before he can stop himself. 

  
Any other time, Dick might have granted him one of those wry smiles that Nix craves and hoards, but now, Dick just keeps that pained expression firmly in place. "Yes and no," Dick says. "I need-- I need to be on Vulcan. It is… an intensely personal matter. Almost no outworlders know of it. I must-- take a mate or die.” The tips of Dick’s ears are bright green, and Nix focuses on them for a moment to stop the world from reeling around him.

  
Nix sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "I've got senior staff waiting," Nix says, and the blind panic that washes over Dick's face makes Nix feel awful. "I won't-- I'll preserve your privacy," Nix assures him, but Dick still looks terrified. "We just need to make a plan for getting us there faster, I promise, that's it.

  
"As for-- the other stuff," Nix says, trailing off. "Roe's working on tracking down a Vulcan healer. I'll be in touch." 

 

And Nix turns on his heel and walks out of Dick's quarters-- definitely not running away, definitely just trying to get to his staff meeting on time.

  
*

  
As soon as Lew is out of his quarters, Dick flies to the locking mechanism on his door and engages it, only able to be opened from the outside and only on medical override. His heart is racing in his side, and sweat is rolling down his temples. The smell of Lew in his cabin is overwhelming, and he drops to his knees and presses against the line of his hard cock in his pants. 

 

"Lew," Dick groans out as he grinds against his hand, and after he comes, he still feels entirely unsatisfied.

*

 

Nix’s head's still spinning as he walks to the staff meeting. He has the pieces of information but putting them together just doesn't make any sense. Dick is sick, because of some sort of -- mating drive. The only help for him is on Vulcan-- 

 

Right. His betrothed, or whatever, that Nix saw in Dick’s file, listed right after his parents and his sister. 

 

Nix stops and puts his hand against a wall, leaning and letting his eyes close for just a brief second. 

  
The staff meeting is a clusterfuck -- half the officers are bushed from being on duty all night, and all of them are worried about Winters but trying not to show it. Roe is practically comatose, he's so unresponsive, and Nix has to all but physically restrain Harry from going to see Dick. 

  
"He barely let me in his quarters, Harry, and I think--" Nix bites his lip. "I don't want to think he'd get violent, but-- he shoved Roe, earlier."

  
"Shoved?" Harry says, incredulous. "You can't be serious."

  
"He's in a bad way," Nix says. "I want him left alone until we figure out what's going on." He feels Harry’s concerned gaze on him as he files out of the meeting.

 

Martin thinks he can get them to Vulcan in 50 hours, if he makes a few adjustments that frankly make Nixon uncomfortable, but they’re out of options. The one good thing, Nixon thinks as the crew files out with somber faces once the meeting is concluded, is that everyone else is as bothered as he is. No one wants to lose Dick.

  
"Have you heard from the Vulcan healer?" Nix asks Roe, after everyone's left. 

  
"Yep," Roe says. Nix waits for him to continue, but Roe just continues to sit there, staring at nothing. He notices Nix's expectant look, then shrugs. "We need to get him to the planet."

  
"That's what Dick kept saying, too," Nix says with a nod. "He-- said it was-- a sex. Thing."

  
"Mate or die," Roe says. He opens his mouth to continue, closes it like he's thought better of it, then starts to talk again. "Although, the Healer did say returning to the planet wasn't necessary to break the illness. It's an instinct, to return home, like salmon on Earth who return to the same breeding grounds every year. But it's not, medically speaking, necessary." 

  
"...right," Nix says, "so then why did I just instruct my chief engineer to break the laws of physics to haul ass to Vulcan if there's something on board that can help him now?"

  
"Not something," Roe says, leveling him with a gaze. "Someone."

 

Nix's eyes widen and his blood runs cold and he feels like he's going to pass out. "Doc," Nix says, his voice cracking, and he clears his throat. "Doc, I don't know what you've assumed, but. As far as I know, there are no-- mating partners available for Winters on the ship."

  
Roe leans back in his chair, but his expression doesn't change. "Seems like you could think of a few volunteers." 

  
"I could," Nix says, "but -- what kind of consent is it, when death is the only other option?"

  
Roe is quiet for a moment. "Talk to him," Roe says, "while you still can. The healer said the blood fever should peak in about 10 hours, at which point he'll be beyond speech and rational thought. Figure out what he wants. His betrothed on Vulcan filed for, essentially, a divorce, and he hasn't been on Vulcan in actual years. It's hard to believe his options there will be better than any on board."

 

Roe makes Nix go back to his cabin and sleep, with promises he’ll ensure Nix is woken up in time. Nix is sure he won't be able to sleep at all, but his body overpowers his mind and he's asleep almost the second after he lies down. Seven hours later, when he awakes to the joined shrill of his alarm and his doorbell ringing, he has a brief moment of deep disorientation before reality comes crashing back around him. 

 

Nix pauses before throwing on his uniform, wondering if civvies wouldn't be better for this conversation - but Nix thinks the uniform probably serves as a needed reminder of what his priorities need to be. 

 

When he finally goes to the door, it's Roe, who's insisting on accompanying him, at least at first. 

 

"I've got to check his vitals anyway," Roe says, with the grim expression of someone being lead to the gallows. Nix would find it hilarious except how none of this is really all that funny. 

 

Roe has to punch in a medical override to get into Dick’s cabin, and the situation is much the same as it was the hours ago - hot, and dark, and tense. 

 

Dick's lying on the bed in a meditative pose, but he sits up when Roe and Nix enter. "Doctor," Dick says, in a shockingly normal tone of voice. "Did you bring the restraints?" 

 

Roe nods, and Nix looks on from the doorway of Dick’s bedroom, flabbergasted, as he pulls medical-grade straps out of his bag and ties Winters to the bed. 

 

"Is this really necessary?" Nix says, and he can hear Doc sigh from across the room. 

 

"Winters and the healer insisted," Roe says, tightening down the strap holding Dick’s left arm. "Pon farr can be...violent."

 

Roe conducts a medical scan once Dick is tied down, and shakes his head at the readings. 

 

"You're on course for reaching plak tow in about two hours," Roe says, and Nix doesn't know what that is but it can't be good. "I'm giving you a hydration boost and nutrient shot, for all that you'll just burn it off right away."

 

"Thank you, doctor," Dick says as Roe presses the hyposprays into his arm. Dick doesn’t sound thankful at all -- just irritated and maybe a little tired.

 

Nix comes into the bedroom as Roe steps out. "I'll be back in two hours," Roe says quietly , although they both know Dick’s superior hearing means he catches every word. "If you're still here--"

 

"Thank you, doctor, that'll be all," Nix says curtly, and Roe rolls his eyes as he walks away.

 

Seeing Dick out of uniform always makes Nix’s heart skip a beat, but like this -- black pants, black undershirt, strapped to his bed -- Nix thinks he may have fantasy material for the rest of his life. Not, he thinks with sudden, painful clarity, that it's in good taste to fantasize about a dead coworker. 

 

"Captain," Nix says, and there's a ghost of amusement somewhere in Dick’s expression. 

 

"I think we have passed formalities, Lew," Dick says, and Nix smiles.

 

"Once we get to Vulcan, what will you do?" Nix says. Dick's expression goes perfectly blank again as he swallows. 

 

"I-- will take a mate," Dick says. "Or die."

 

"And who will it be?" Nix says. "Your wife who left you--"

 

"She was not my wife," Dick says quickly. "My -- betrothed. It was an arrangement made in childhood. I did not expect her to fulfill her obligation when the time came, but neither did I expect the time to come this quickly."

 

Nix is quiet for a moment. "So there's no one else on the planet that could take her place?" Nix says. 

 

"The healers--" Dick starts to say, but Nix makes a sound of disapproval. "No," Dick says plainly. 

 

"You-- you can't die," Nix says, suddenly overcome, and he places his hand against Dick’s arm before he can think better of it. 

 

The effect is instantaneous - Dick bucks against his restraints, but they hold, and Dick almost growls in frustration. Nix is suddenly very aware of the bulge tenting Dick’s pants (was it there from the beginning? How could Nix have missed it?) and of how hot Dick is under his hand, even though the fabric. 

 

"Lew, please," Dick moans, and Nix feels his own shameful arousal take root. 

 

Nix clears his throat and takes his hand away, though it pains him to do so. Dick lets out a keening sound that makes Nix want to do impossible, stupid things. He makes himself look at Dick’s face as Dick gets his breathing under control and reigns himself back in. 

 

"You need to leave," Dick says, his voice low. "It's not - safe for you."

 

"Safe?" Nix says, confused. 

 

Dick takes a deep breath, then turns his head to look him in the eye. "I am sorry you had to find out this way," Dick says. "But it seems my long-standing attraction to you has -- become only more intense during this time. I fear the restraints will not hold. I will not endanger you or our friendship because of this madness." 

 

Nix takes a few deep breaths, trying to clear his mind enough to say something - anything. 

 

"Long-standing attraction?" Nix says at last, and Dick looks away in shame. 

 

"It--need not affect our working relationship," Dick says. "And for the sake of our friendship, I do not -- I do not wish to speak of it again. But you must know, now, why you are in danger of me in this room right now." 

 

"Dick," Nix says thickly, and Dick turns to look at him. "Let me help."

 

"Do not -- debase yourself in an attempt to--" Dick says, but Nix just laughs. 

 

"Who's debasing anyone?" Nix says before carefully, deliberately placing his hand against Dick’s bare cheek. Dick's eyes flutter closed as Nix’s emotions come filtering in, and -- 

 

_ /love, and light, and joy, and hope where there was none/ _ , are first, then  _ /don’t be a noble idiot about this/ _ , then  _ /I've wanted you since the day we met, you stupid, stupid idiot--/ _

 

Dick is panting and flushed green when Nix pulls his hand away. 

 

"Do you see?" Nix says, his voice still raspy and deep. "Do you see how I can help? Why I want to help?" 

 

"Lew," Dick says, soft and yearning, and Nix draws a shuddering breath as he places his fingers against Dick’s on the bed. 

 

Dick sighs in relief as he carefully moves his fingers along Nix’s -- the wrist straps mean his arms are pinned to the bed, but his hands and fingers still have great freedom of movement. Nix watches Dick’s reactions carefully as he slides the pads of their fingers together, the tips of his fingers along the back side of Dick’s hand. 

 

Nix doesn’t have the same number of nerve endings in his hands as Dick does, but it’s shockingly addictive, to feel the heat of Dick’s skin against his own, to watch as Dick’s mouth falls open to make soft sounds as Nix traces his fingertips against Dick’s palm. Nix should get Dick out of these restraints, but… Nix bites his lip as he runs his eyes over Dick’s long body on the bed. 

 

“I’ve never -- kissed like this,” Nix says softly. 

 

“Good,” Dick says with shocking heat and possession, and Nix swallows and shifts, his cock growing hard in his pants already. 

 

“Do you know what this will entail?” Dick asks, his voice low and breathy, like it’s costing him a great deal to string a sentence together, and Nix drags his eyes back to Dick’s face. “The pon farr is-- oh,” Dick gasps as Nix begins to press his fingers into the muscle of Dick’s thumb, and Nix grins. “It is an all-consuming drive,” Dick continues, the green flush in his cheeks contrasting beautifully with his hair and pale skin. “It can last as long as a week. It is not -- casual. There is not an expectation of commitment, following, but the act itself requires a connection--” 

 

“Dick,” Nix says softly, gingerly climbing on the@ bed, careful to straddle Dick’s hips and place his thigh between Dick’s legs. “I’m right where I want to be. I’ve got  _ you  _ right where I want you. A week is--” Nix swallows, putting a hand up to Dick’s cheek again,  _ /years of memories, of a pang in his heart, of coming with thoughts of Dick in his mind and Dick’s name on his tongue/,  _ “--is barely enough time.” 

 

Dick draws a shuddering breath, and Nix leans down to kiss him gently on the mouth. Dick whines and arches into the kiss, drawing Nix deeper immediately, any thoughts of going slowly pushed out of his mind. 

 

Nix can feel Dick struggling against his restraints, and he pulls back briefly, a hand coming up to card through Dick’s hair. “Just-- let me,” Nix murmurs, pressing his lips against Dick’s neck, rocking his thigh against Dick, the heat of his cock pressing against him as Dick cries out. “Let me take care of you,” Nix says against Dick’s skin, almost embarrassed to admit how bad he wants this, wants Dick tied down, spread out just for Nix. 

 

“Yeah,” Dick breathes, “yes, Lew--” and then he lets out another broken sound as Nix rocks against him again, Nix’s cock pressing against Dick’s hip as they grind against each other. 

 

Nix shoves his hands up under Dick’s shirt, rucking it up as much as he can, touching as much skin as he can reach, and Dick makes a choked sound as he shakes and falls apart. 

 

Nix kisses him again, and Dick whines -- he’s still just as needy, just as ready, and Nix groans into Dick’s open mouth at the thought of it. 

 

“You-- like this,” Dick says as Nix fumbles with the clasp on Dick’s pants. “You like knowing I-- I’m all for you, that I can’t go anywhere--” 

 

“You’re much mouthier than I thought you’d be,” Nix says as he finally gets Dick’s pants open. Dick’s cock is hard and flushed against his stomach, his briefs a mess from coming once already. Nix is careful as he pulls the fabric down, cleaning up as much as he can. Nix undoes the ankle straps to pull off Dick’s pants, and he pauses to rub at the soft skin of Dick’s ankle, as he looks back up the long line of Dick’s body, his. “Do you want-- Dick, you have to tell me--” 

 

Dick’s mouth has fallen open and he nods, the color still high on his cheeks. “Lew, yes, just-- fuck me--” 

 

Nix groans and surges up, his hand wrapping around Dick’s cock as he presses a kiss against Dick’s hip. “Do you have--”

 

Dick lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan as Nix’s hand starts working over his cock. “I-- earlier, I attempted to-- I am-- I am already prepared.” 

 

Nix feels heat wash over him like a wave, from head to toe. He gingerly presses his fingers against Dick’s hole and his breathing gets shallow as he slides in with no problem, Dick already slick and ready for him. “You’re gonna kill me,” Nix says, strangled, and Dick lets out a huff of amusement. 

 

“That-- oh-- that is the opposite of this endeavor,” Dick says, a wry smile twisting his mouth, and Nix is smiling as he puts a hand behind Dick’s knee and pushes his leg to his chest, smiling as he lines up and slowly, slowly sinks in. 

 

Dick is  _ hot,  _ and tight enough that Nix has to go slow, though he’s shaking with the effort of doing so. Nix’s eyes are glued to Dick’s face as he pushes forward, searching for any trace of discomfort. “Lew, I need--” Dick says, and then the heel of his foot presses against Nix’s ass, and Nix slides all the way in with a loud groan. They’re both trembling, and Nix slides his fingers against Dick’s in a gentle kiss as he begins to move. 

 

When he thought about it-- and he did, with disturbing frequency -- Nix would have imagined Dick to be quiet and reserved during sex, all Vulcan control and repression. The reality is wild, untamed, Dick arching up to meet Nix’s thrusts as best he can while his arms are restrained, his heel still digging into Nix’s ass hard enough that he’s going to have a bruise. He makes these soft noises low in his throat every time Nix bottoms out, and Nix can’t help but lean down and worry at a spot on Dick’s neck that makes him squirm and tighten around Nix. 

 

When he pulls away, Dick has a deep green hickey blooming on his skin, but Nix can’t quite bring himself to be sorry. 

 

Dick  _ wails,  _ and he comes again between them, no hand on his cock, just the pleasure from Nix’s thrusts rolling through him. The tightness around Nix’s cock brings him perilously close to the edge, and he shuts his eyes and buries his face in the crook of Dick’s neck, breathing deeply to try and calm down, his hips moving in short jerks, unable to be completely still. 

 

“Lew, let me touch you,” Dick says, his voice as languid as Nix has ever heard it. Nix is leaning up to remove the restraints before he can think too hard about it. With one hand freed, Dick gently runs his fingers up and down Lew’s bare arm. 

 

“I can’t-- fuck, I can’t focus on these buckles when you’re--” Nix gasps, the soft touches sending sparks up and down his spine, his cock twitching inside Dick. Dick actually smiles, teeth and all, and Nix almost breaks the restraints in his haste to get Dick’s arm free. 

 

It’s an uncoordinated mess of limbs and flying clothing, following that -- Nix almost ripping off Dick’s shirt, Dick dragging Nix down for a hot, breathless kiss. 

 

Nix’s psy-rating is equivalent to that of a brick, he can’t feel even the hint of others’ emotions or thoughts. Still, he thinks, picking up his rhythm as he starts fucking into Dick in earnest again, he can feel something almost buzzing under his skin, something that sparks sharp and desperate when he pushes all the way in or when he brings a hand up to trace gently against the pale skin of Dick’s chest. It might be Dick, it might be the years of pent up need between them, it might be the pon farr-- but whatever it is, Nix knows it’s making him sweat and groan and kiss Dick like he’s a dying man. 

 

Dick comes around Nix’s cock again, Nix’s fingers stroking against his hard cock. Nix is gentle as Dick comes down, keeping his movements shallow and careful. Dick makes a whining sound in his throat, and before Nix knows what’s happening, Dick’s rolling them over. He settles on top of Nix, lines them up, and sinks down onto Nix’s cock with a groan as Nix takes big, gasping breaths. 

 

There are no words between them, now, just Dick’s incredible tight heat and Nix’s thick cock stretching and filling, Dick leaning down to lick into Nix’s mouth as his thighs flex with the effort of moving up and down. Nix wraps his fingers around Dick’s cock, and Dick  _ yells  _ as he makes a mess over Nix’s hand. 

 

Nix thinks maybe-- maybe Dick’s need is starting to feel satiated, but Dick keeps up his punishing pace, his eyelashes fluttering against his pale cheek. Nix isn’t sure how long he’ll be able to last like this -- how he’s even lasted this long.

 

“Ashal-veh,” Dick breathes out, his voice shaky, “ashayam, bolaya--bolaya--” His hand is hovering in the space above them, and Nix reaches up to wrap his fingers around Dick’s wrist and draw Dick’s hand to his face. 

 

“Come on, do it,” Nix says, arching his head up to meet Dick’s hand, and he sees a glimpse of the wonder on Dick’s face before-- 

 

_ /the relief that his human roommate is so agreeable / _

 

_ /the gratefulness that Lew intercedes on his behalf when others are too overwhelming/ _

 

_ /the irritation that other beings seem to find Lew as appealing as Dick does/ _

 

_ /the realization that his feelings for Lew run deeper than those of friendship, than those he’s had for anyone/ _

 

_ /the fear that Lew has died, that Dick could lose him/ _

 

_ /the heat of his love for Lew, the fire of it, illogical and undeniable and all-consuming-- / _

 

Nix comes out of the meld with a gasp, and Dick’s there to kiss him softly as he comes down. He’s vaguely aware of tears on his face, of the fact that Dick’s seen the part of him that loves Dick just as much in return, that he’s still inside the hot warmth of Dick, but he can’t see or think around the feeling in his chest. 

 

Dick draws a shuddering breath as he begins to roll his hips down, and Nix is brought firmly back into his own body, his own desires, as Dick rises and falls on his cock. Dick tangles their fingers together, bracing himself on Nix’s arms as they move together. Nix rolls his hips deep inside Dick before finally, finally giving in, arching his back as he comes. 

 

*

An untold number of hours later -- after the plak tow has come and gone, after Nix has fucked Dick through enough orgasms and left him sleepy, Dick’s communication’s tower beeps with an urgent message. 

 

Dick makes a soft, adorably grumpy sound where his head is pressed against Nixon’s chest, and Nix smiles. “Better at least respond to that so they don’t come breaking down the door,” Nix says, but he feels empty and lost as Dick climbs out of bed. 

 

Dick looks over his shoulder at Nix with an amused tilt to his mouth, and Nix pouts comically large and runs his hand over the empty space in the bed where Dick just was. Nix can see that he’s contemplating just diving back under the covers and pressing himself against Nix, but he turns back to his station before he can think better of it. 

 

“This is Captain Winters,” Dick says, and Nix can’t believe how professional he sounds, buck naked and covered in bruises and fucked within an inch of his life. There’s silence on the other end, and although Nix can’t see Dick’s face from this angle he can see that Dick tenses up as he pokes urgently at the screen. 

 

Harry’s peals of laughter come echoing through the speakers as Dick tries to speak. “My apologies, Lieutenant Welsh,” Dick says, sounding absolutely  _ mortified,  _ “I did not mean to answer with the video component engaged. Please report your business in audio only.” 

 

“Oh my god,” Harry says gleefully. “Nixon would skin me alive for even trying to video conference with you naked as a jaybird-- is he there? Lewis? Were you the naked lump I saw in the bed behind Dick? Are you, in fact, the  _ cause  _ of our dear captain’s--” 

 

“Hi, Harry,” Nix sighs, rolling his eyes as Harry begins to cackle again. 

 

“Well, I just wanted to confirm you were on the mend like Doc Roe said,” Harry says, his voice full of warmth, “but this is a pleasant surprise. Good luck, you two. Nix, you’re going to have to use every trick in the book to convince Dick this is worth the paperwork,” Harry says before ending the call. 

 

Nixon is laughing even before Dick turns around with a raised eyebrow. “I was uninformed this would necessitate further paperwork,” Dick says archly. 

 

“Yeah, well, get your ass back in bed and I’ll make it worth your while,” Nix says lewdly, and Dick’s face is impossibly fond as he does just that. 

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this show for the first time a few weekends ago and now I'm writing 7k fuck-or-die fics. Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Me.
> 
> Large chunks of this were either adapted or directly stolen from Amok Time, sorry I'm not all that sorry.
> 
> Special thanks, as always and with deepest sincerity, to DefineStrange, epigone and gericault. 
> 
> Title from [Cover Me Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaUCDqWzy1k), which is a perfect song all on its own, but especially apt for fuck-or-die fic.


End file.
